Kia ora! I am a Year 7 student in Room 5 at Ahipara School, in the Far North of New Zealand. My teacher is Ms Peters. This is where I share my learning. Please leave a positive, thoughtful, helpful comment.
Wednesday, April 22, 2020
The Mysterious object
On a cloudy day, the ocean swept and broke, in and out dragging a mysteries object with it. The closer the object got the darker the day grew. Many people observed the mysterious thing, but remember curiosity killed the cat, or in this case the people. Slowly and suddenly sharks appeared in the ocean and circled the black and brown oval like object. One by one the sharks bit into the mysterious thing, tearing and ripping piece by piece which eventually the ocean turning into red blood. The mysterious object washed ashore rolling over and revealing its glowing red eyes and humongous sharp teeth. The mysterious thing was a SHARK!!! This was no ordinary shark, it was...submarine
(search up the submarine shark for more facts and information)
https://www.seeker.com/submarine-any-truth-to-the-legend-1768787852.html
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Well done Samantha, I can see you have added lots of adjectives (like darker, black, brown, humongous) all of these make your writing more interesting and add more detail for the reader. Ka pai!
ReplyDeleteNext time how do you think you could make your writing better? I think you could organise your ideas into paragraphs.
Keep up the awesome home learning.
Hi Samantha, that was certainly a very good piece of descriptive writing on the mysterious object. Keep up the good work at home school.
ReplyDeleteYou had me hooked Samantha, I couldn't wait to find out what it was. It must have been huge. I will have to check out your link to find out more about this giant water beast.
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